


Incentive

by speedyvibraniumdevil



Series: Billy Russo [2]
Category: Billy Russo - Fandom, Marvel, The Punisher - Fandom
Genre: AU, AU where Billy is not a villain, Angst, Blood, Cussing, Death Threats, F/M, Fluff, Guns, Knives, M/F smut, Series, Smut, Violence, and Micro, some Karen Page
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-15
Updated: 2018-12-15
Packaged: 2019-09-19 15:52:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 18,986
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17004594
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/speedyvibraniumdevil/pseuds/speedyvibraniumdevil
Summary: (An AU where Billy Russo is not a villain) For the first time in a long time, Billy Russo is happy. He has his own company, a girlfriend that he loves (you), and his best friend turned out to be alive. However, when Billy finds out the truth about project Cerberus and, the man who helped him start ANVIL, his first instinct is to kill him. But then Rawlins gives him a reason to do otherwise.





	1. The Incentive

**Author's Note:**

> I half joked about rewriting the Punisher plot to make Billy into a good guy, but then I actually did it. I’m doing it. So, yeah. I have it planned out and everything (for the first time in forever). This is basically going to be the entirety of season one, but with a reader and no Jigsaw arc. Plus a lot will be in his perspective, because it seems fitting to me.

Billy laid comfortably in his bed, his back resting against the pillows in nothing but his underwear as the sound of rushing water came from the bathroom. He mindlessly focused on his reflection in the full length mirror to his left. Looking at himself without really looking.

The scars on his lower abdomen and left shoulder stood out against his fair skin. At this point, they didn’t bother him. They were a reminder of where he had come from and what he had been through to get where he was.

But the scars or how they got there weren’t what he was thinking about at the moment. They were the furthest thing from his mind. These past 24 hours have been a whirlwind for him, and it tended to take a lot for things to send him off kilter. Things like the fact that his best friend, who was presumed dead, might have been alive after all.

He had had his suspicions, especially when he considered the fact that they never found Frank’s body in the first place, but it wasn’t until yesterday when he met Madani at the pier that those suspicions were confirmed. She said that she knew for a fact that he was alive. Later that day, he went to Curtis to see if he knew, but it seemed like he wasn’t the only one unaware of their friend’s survival.

He told Madani that he’d do his best to find him, and he was. Maybe not for her, but for himself. He had put out the radio signal with the codenames only he and Frank knew, Raven and Blackbird. So far there had been no response. Not yet, but he was hoping that he knew his friend better than that.

The sound of rushing water stopped, but he hadn’t taken notice. Not until you came out of the bathroom and your smooth voice broke into his thoughts.

“Everything okay, baby?”

You brought him back down to reality and his dark brown eyes tore away from the mirror to find you making your way to the bed. Your hair was in its natural state, which he liked. It was a contrast to how you usually had it done for work (although he always thought you looked beautiful). Your thin pajama shirt and short bottoms let him see enough to make him smirk. Although the concerned look on your face made halted any other thoughts from snowballing.

“Yeah,” he answered cooly, “Perfectly fine, baby.”

He didn’t like lying to you, but it was for your own good. 

You crawled into bed and he held out his hand to you, which you took, and he guided you until you were straddling him. His hands rested on your waist and your own rested on his shoulders. Despite his smile, you frowned, unconvinced.

“Are you sure, Bill? You seem a little more serious than usual. I can’t help but feel like…something’s botherin’ you.”

He almost laughed to himself. It amazed him how easily you could detect these things from him. Sometimes he wondered if you really knew him that well or if he was just dropping the ball on keeping his emotions intact. He prided himself on being good at that, it was part of his job after all.

He sighed tiredly, “Just work. You know how it is.”

You ran your fingers through the hair at the nape of his neck. He didn’t know why, but you were probably one of the only people who actually enjoyed seeing his hair when it was unkempt.

“Top secret information I assume?” you asked with a fake voice of authority.

He chuckled, “Yeah, something like that.”

“I don’t have to kick anyone’s ass do I?”

“Ha,” he rolled over so that he was on top of you now, “You’re a funny girl, Y/N.”

“Thank you,” you smiled smugly, pushing back the hair that hung down onto his face.

One more time, as if for good measure, you asked, “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Never been better.”

He nuzzled his nose against yours - which made you giggle - before kissing you. To him, kissing you was better than drinking the most expensive bottle of whiskey. He could get gladly get drunk off of you any and every night if he could. His hands slipped beneath the fabric of your shirt and you pulled him closer to you.

It served as the perfect distraction from the things he’d have to deal with. For now, he’d save it for the morning.

* * *

The skies were clear and the sun shined bright over New York. Still, the Autumn chill spared no one, so Billy wore black leather jacket and beanie to protect himself from it. He waited patiently at the edge of the pier by the calzone truck. A plate of half eaten food and two beers sat on the table top. One for him and one for Frank.

Finally, after what felt like days of having the signal out, he finally got a response in the early morning and they agreed to meet here. He wasn’t entirely sure how to feel, but one thing’s for certain, he was damn fucking glad that his best friend was still alive. Pissed that Frank never told him about it, but grateful.

Suddenly, a black hooded figure came walking towards him from his left. If he didn’t already know who it was, he’d still be able to tell based on his build and the way he walked, that soldierly way of carrying himself. Billy knew it all too well. He watched him, anticipation running through his veins. When he was close enough, he said,

“Look who it is.”

Frank stopped in front of the table without saying a word and looked down at Billy.

“Back from the dead,” Billy added before getting up to greet his old friend. His brother.

Still he looked at him like he wasn’t sure if he was real, and to confirm, he reached out his hand to shake it. There was so much pain in Frank’s eyes. He could see it. He had seen it in so many of the men he had served with. Not a single one of them had been spared those memories, but Billy knew there was something more than war that plagued Frank.

“I’m so sorry,” he said, thinking about Maria and the kids. His family and how they had been taken from him by some murderer, which had sparked his own murderous rampage. Billy had mourned them too. The Castles had been the only family Billy had ever really known, and for the longest time he thought he had lost them all. Until now.

Billy hugged Frank and when he let go, his friend finally spoke in his familiar gruff voice.

“Hey, Bill.”

“Hey. You want a beer?”

“Hells yeah.”

Billy handed him the bottle and they both sat down on the circular green table. Frank popped the bottle open effortlessly with its edge. The other watched him in amusement.

“So…you look like shit.”

Frank scoffed, “Can’t all be as pretty as you, Bill.”

He chuckled and then inhaled thoughtfully. “How come you never reached out?”

“The less people knew I was alive, the better it is for them.”

“Yeah, well, one of them works for Homeland Security. You know that, right?”

Frank nodded knowingly, “Madani, huh? How do you know her?”

“My company, Anvil. I got a company now.”

“I heard. It’s very impressive, Bill,” he looked proud and then grinned. “I bet you like to wear fancy suits, don’t you?”

His counterpart smiled, “Yes I do.”

“Yeah, you do.”

Billy laughed, “Anyway, we did some contracting work for them. Training. We got to talking and she questioned me about you because of our service together.”

“So you and her…you guys got to talking, huh?” his tone and facial expression were insinuating. It was that same look he often gave him when it came to women.

Except this time, instead of smugly admitting to it, Billy rolled his eyes and chuckled.

“There’s nothing going on between me and Madani. It’s purely business.”

“Are you sure about that, Bill? I seem to recall you having a hard time keeping it in your pants.”

He couldn’t help but nod in agreement. It was true. He had his fair share of women. “Spreading the wealth” he called it, but those days were over.

“Yeah, well…let’s just say I’m already spoken for.”

The look of confusion that riddled Frank’s face almost made Billy burst out in laughter.

“You’re shittin’ me.”

“Nope.”

His smile grew wider and wider.

“Billy the Beaut’s got a girl?”

“Yup.”

“A real one? One that’s not just a booty call?”

“You bet your ass.”

“Who?”

“Remember that girl who spilled her coffee on me at the park?”

He smiled, remembering the memory. Back then he thought fate was bullshit, and he still did, but you were convinced that it was what brought you two together. Frank’s jaw was practically on the floor.

“No fucking way. How long have you two been together?”

“It’s been almost a year now.”

You had started dating around the same time everything happened with Maria and the kids, but he didn’t say that out loud. Frank didn’t know anything about it because he had disappeared to become The Punisher. Needless to say you had seen Billy through some rough times from the get go.

Frank leaned back as if taking in his friend for the first time. The look of disbelief still in his eyes, but then his lips turned down, showing that he was impressed.

“Well, shit. Congrats, Billy. I’m happy for ya.”

“Thanks, Frankie. I appreciate it.”

“Does she make you happy?”

A sensation in his stomach almost had him speechless. Butterflies. So stupid, but there wasn’t any other way to describe it really. It was how he felt when he thought about you. It was wild. He had been sure nobody could make him feel that way ever in his life, and yet here were those damn butterflies.

He grinned like an idiot, “Yeah, yeah she does.”

Frank nodded in approval, clearly happy for his friend. Remembering the subject at hand, Billy changed the subject back to Madani.

He took a deep breath. “Dinah is not a woman you want to take lightly, Frank.”

Frank sighed, “Yeah, I got that impression.”

“Come on. Tell me what she won’t.”

There was a reason she was so interested in Frank. Something that Billy didn’t know about and he was aching to know.

Frank’s expression changed, grew grim. He looked off to his right, thinking, not saying anything for a bit. When he finally looked back at Billy, his friend could tell it was deep shit.

“Look, Bill, what we….what were were doing…with Cerberus…it was worse than you thought. It was that snake, prick CIA Agent Orange. It was him, Schoonover…You remember that douchebag from mortuary services, Colonel Bennett? Little bald asshole. You remember him?”

Billy tensed slightly at the mention of the names. Specifically the first one.

“Oh, yeah.”

“Yeah. The three of them were selling heroin out of Kandahar. They were opening up U.S. KIA’s, stuffing it inside, and sending it home.”

Billy couldn’t believe his ears.

“What?”

“Gunner Henderson, he found out. Tried to blow the whistle on the whole thing.”

“Well, Gunner’s a good man.”

“He’s dead. They killed him for it.”

His stomach dropped. “Shit.”

“Yeah.”

Billy looked at his friend, taking this all into consideration and what exactly he was planning to do.

“So, what? You’re just gonna take them all on yourself? How’s that going for you so far?” he asked, worried about what he might be getting himself into. He knew very well that Frank had a death wish and he wasn’t about to let him get it. “Why don’t you just let Homeland deal with this? Madani wants them just as bad as you do.”

“No,” Frank shook his head.

He was relentless. Frank didn’t know who he was messing with.

“Hey, you think this is what Maria would have wanted for you? We didn’t have a choice back then, but now we do.”

“What choice is that, Bill?”

“I could get you a new passport, social. New identity. I could get you out the country….” Billy thought about it, about the things he knew that Frank didn’t, but also about how much he cared about him. There were few people Billy cared about and he’d gladly take a bullet for him. He had the means to take him out of this mess, but again, he was relentless.

“Or…if you really wanna do this….if you need another gun… a right hand man….”

Frank waved his hand dismissively, “No, no, no, Bill. I’m not dragging you into this. Not when you have your own life, your company, your girl. I’m not putting your life in danger.”

And he was grateful for that. He truly was. But little did Frank know that Billy was already dragged into this, unknowingly at that. There were things about Anvil that not just anybody knew, and for the longest time, Billy swore to protect what he built.

But if what Frank said about Kandahar was true, then there just might be something threatening that.

* * *

He gave Frank a place a time to meet him should he accept his offer, and he really hoped he would. It was the middle of the night. SUVs filled with Anvil’s finest unpacked bags to take onto the ship that was headed overseas. Billy waited in the middle of the dock, searching to see if he’d find that black hooded figure amongst the darkness, but nothing came.

He sighed and whispered to himself, “Damn it, Frank.”

Instead, a pair of headlights shined at the corner of his eye and they belonged to yet another SUV, one he didn’t expect. He swallowed thickly, knowing very well who was inside. He wasn’t sure whether to be surprised or not. The asshole liked to show up unexpectedly when it suited him.

Good. He had some questions for him.

Billy took out his gun from the back of his pants, opened the door, and climbed into the SUV. Inside he was met with none other than William Rawlins AKA Agent Orange. A name he thought was interesting, but now found stupid. There was a large scar in the outer corner of his left eye, like a chunk was bitten out and his eyeball was milky, devoid of color. Courtesy of Frank Castle.

“Russo.”

“Rawlins.”

Billy eyed the driver through the rearview mirror, and immediately recognized him as Eddie Harlow. He used to be special forces just like he was, and a damn good fighter. Almost as good as Billy. Almost. And one of Rawlins’ dogs that he liked to keep nearby in case anything happened. Billy never really liked him.

“What do you want?” Billy asked. “I’m kinda in the middle of some business here.”

“Oh is that what you’re doing? Business?”

“Yeah, what else would I be doing?”

“Oh, I don’t know. Waiting on Frank Castle perhaps?”

Billy clenched his jaw and gave him a sideways glance. He then snorted nonchalantly.

“You know Frank is dead. As I recall, you almost threw a fuckin’ party when it happened.”

“I’m not an idiot, Russo. I work with the CIA. You think I don’t have ways of finding these things out?” He said in his usual unbothered tone. “I know you contacted him…somehow.”

Billy sighed, “Fine. Yeah, I contacted him. He’s an old friend. Can you blame a guy?”

“I used to think you were better at not getting personal, but it seems you’re losing touch.”

“You know damn well that when it comes to my work I don’t let things get personal. Frank isn’t work.”

“Isn’t he?” Rawlins asked. “What did you talk about?”

“What does it matter to you?”

“It matters to me, because Castle has vital information that I intend to apprehend.”

Billy narrowed his eyes, scrutinizing him. Rawlins didn’t look him in the eye, but that didn’t stop Billy from glaring at him.

“What vital information is that?”

“It’s none of your concern.”

Billy’s blood started to heat up. This fucker was hiding something, something he already knew, but it pissed Billy off so much that he was cowardly enough to keep it from him. To not be man enough to admit what he did.

“Oh yeah?” Billy twisted his body to face him fully, the hand holding the gun was wrapped tightly around it. Eddie eyed him through the mirror, but he didn’t care. “Tell me, which part is none of my concern? The part where you smuggled heroin or the part where you used the bodies of KIAs to do it?”

Rawlins perked up, keeping his usual nonchalant demeanor.

“So, he did tell you.”

“Yeah, he did,” Billy sneered, “He also told me that you killed Gunner because he found out. Is all of that true or are you just going to feed me some bullshit lie?”

He sighed, as if exasperated with a child. So condescending. Billy hated it.

“Yes, Billy, it’s true. It was war. What do you want me to say? That I’m sorry?”

It one quick movement Billy cocked his gun and raised it at Rawlins’ face. The other barely flinched, but Eddie yelled while taking out his own gun and pointing it at Billy’s temple. The brunette made no other sudden moves.

“Put the gun down, Lieutenant,” the other soldier ordered.

Billy shook his head, keeping his full attention on Agent Orange.

“Last time I checked, Harlowe, you take orders from me, not the other way around.”

“But he also takes orders from me,” Rawlins said.

“I want you to tell me why I shouldn’t kill you right here, right now, you piece of shit. Or better yet, give me a reason not to drag your ass to Frank and let him deal with you himself.”

“You don’t want to do that.”

“Oh, I think I fuckin’ do.”

“Not if you want everything you’ve worked for to be taken away from you.”

Billy gave him an odd look, but kept his gun trained on him.

“What the fuck are you talking about?”

“Do you know where some of that heroin money went, Lieutenant? Do you?” he stared down the barrel of the gun. Billy didn’t say anything, but he was already dreading the answer.

“A small investment into a certain company perhaps?” Rawlins finished.

Billy’s breath hitched and he swallowed hard. Fuck, fuck, FUCK. In anger, he shoved the gun closer into Rawlins’ face.

“Hey!” Eddie warned.

Rawlins held out a hand to calm him.

“You son of a bitch,” Billy hissed, “You gave me dirty money to start my company, something that was my idea, something that I worked for. You roped me into shit I never asked to be a part of?”

“Don’t act as if you didn’t know what you were signing up for, Russo. Or that you did this all yourself. You wouldn’t be anything without that money, and my connections.”

Billy was shaking with rage now and he was slowly losing the self control to not pull the trigger. He should have known. He should have known not to trust this man back in Afghanistan. He should have let Frank kill him when he had the chance.

“Castle wants to kill me and expose that very fact to the world. When Anvil’s name pops up in the files, what do you think is going to happen?”

The brunette’s dark eyes were wild. His mind was conflicted. On the one hand, he wanted to protect Anvil, but on the other, he wanted to protect his honor.

“So, what? You want to kill him? You really think you can do that?” he asked sardonically, knowing very well that Frank was the best at what he did.

Rawlins snorted, “Not without your help, of course.”

Billy scoffed, which Rawlins ignored.

“You’re going to do everything to track him down and bring him to me.”

He was asking him to betray the man he would’ve laid down his life for? The man that despite having lost everything, was happy for Billy for being happy. So much was at stake, and yet Billy couldn’t help but fight this.

“Or else what?”

He could kill him right now. He could kill them both without batting an eye.

Rawlins broke his stony gaze and gave him a look.

“I’m sorry. Haven’t you been listening?”  
When Billy didn’t answer, he glanced at Eddie.

“Alright. I guess if you need a little more incentive…show him what he’ll lose if he doesn’t do this, Harlowe.”

Billy looked at Eddie, who nodded and retreated back into the front seat to retrieve something. For the first time, Billy felt and looked worried. His heart started to beat against his chest at the possibilities, which weren’t many. There was one thing - one person - that stood out.

Within a few seconds Eddie turned back around with a file and handed it Billy. Keeping one hand on the gun, he used the other to grab the file and quickly open it.  It’s contents made his blood run cold.

There were pictures, dozens of them…and they were all of you.

He flipped through them, and he could tell that they were recent. There were some with him in it, as if to prove that you were together. However, most of them were just of you. Alone.

“When will you learn that it doesn’t matter if it’s not work, personal relationships always hold you back.”

Billy was biting down so hard on his teeth that he was sure his teeth would shatter. This. This was what he could lose and Rawlins knew that very well. He was and always will be a sick and twisted piece of shit. The fury didn’t leave, it only worsened. All of his composure was gone.

“If you touch a single hair on her head, I swear to fucking God-”

“I don’t think you’re in the best place to make threats anymore, Russo.” He leaned in closer now. “If you do anything to me she dies. If you don’t follow my orders, she dies. If you don’t bring me Castle on a silver platter, she dies. You understand?”

Billy wanted nothing more than to say everything that was on his mind and cut this fucker’s throat open. Eddie’s too. He wanted nothing more than to show him what he made him to be. But for the first time in a long time, he felt powerless. He couldn’t do any of that. He couldn’t cut this man to ribbons, because it was your life at stake.

Instead, he forced himself to lower his gun.

With a sneer, he said, “I understand.”


	2. The Un-pulled Trigger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Billy's first attempt at taking out Frank Castle (and more)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rewriting Billy’s reactions and dialogue has actually been pretty fun. It makes me wish that I could see Ben Barnes act this out. Also, I love writing in a character’s perspective? Don’t get me wrong, the reader is very important, and there will be more of her in the coming parts, but I’m living.

_“Good,” Rawlins smiled with pleasure._

_Billy’s breathing came out shaky and ragged as he was fighting to contain himself, but he couldn’t. He was no longer facing Agent Orange, but forward. His eyes like daggers on the back of Eddie’s head._

_“I’ll be expecting you within the next few days to..go over what to do next. You know where,” Rawlins went on._

_Billy ran his tongue over his teeth, seething. “Yes.”_

_His precious country house. Billy had been there once before._

_“Then our business is done here,” he said with finality._

_Billy sat there for a second, his hand still tight on the handle of the gun, and looked between the two other men in the car. He wished that he could launch himself at them, end it now. But Billy knew better, there had to be more soldiers under Rawlins’ control, others that had the order to kill you if something was done._

_With a heavy sigh, Billy reached for the door handle and pulled it open, but then he froze. A thought occurred to him, something he had been thinking about since Frank told him about Kandahar and his involvement in the first place. A question with an answer he knew would only drive him wild, but he had to know._

_He pulled the door back closed and asked, “That day at the park….with Maria and the kids…that was you…wasn’t it?”_

_There was silence from Rawlins’. He shifted in his seat, inhaled deep, and Billy already knew the answer. He cast his eyes sideways at the bald man, who with an unbothered face said,_

_“Collateral Damage, Russo. It had to be done.”_

* * *

The conversation he had with Rawlins the other night never seemed to stop replaying in Billy’s mind. It was like a two ton weight had been dropped onto his shoulders, a two ton weight of fucked up shit. The fact that he knew all of this, and wasn’t able to say a thing about it, made him a part of it too. That bastard had tethered him to something against his own will, and he couldn’t do anything about it.

He couldn’t tell Frank or Madani or Curtis, and definitely not you. Because that’s what was at stake now. Your life.

He stood in front of the full length mirror, buttoning up his white dress shirt like he always did, but he found himself more focused on you in the reflection. You were getting dressed for work too, unaware of his eyes on you.

This had become his normal now. It wasn’t always so, of course. When he had met you, he thought it would only ever start and end with sex, as most of his “relationships” with women did. To his complete shock, he started to develop feelings the more he got to know you and spend time with you. 

Still, he fought them. Despite having the Castles, he always felt like he could only truly depend on himself. That was the way he survived his entire childhood, and that was the way he built his company, so it was only logical that he keep at it that way.

But you. You never gave up on him.

You were the only person who could get beyond the sarcastic humor, past those cold steel walls, and into the real stuff. You didn’t see him as just pretty, you saw him for who he was. Never did he think that someone would become this important beacon of light in his life, but you did.

And now someone was threatening to snuff that light out.

He couldn’t let that happen. He couldn’t lose you. Even if that meant having to choose between two people that he cared about. Not to mention that his company was at stake.

It was you and Anvil or Frank.

“Have you thought about what I said?”

Billy blinked a few times before realizing that you were talking to him. He found your face in the mirror, and found you were also looking back. It took him a second to remember what you were talking about before it came back to him.

“You mean about talking to the foster kids?”

“Yeah.”

If he was honest, he was so busy worrying about everything else, that he didn’t give the subject much thought. However, thinking about it now, he was a little hesitant.

The thing was, that you worked with foster kids for a living. It seemed pretty ironic to him the first time he learned that piece of information, considering that he was in the system his entire life. It was like his life came full circle with you. Maybe it was the reason you understood him so well. You dealt with kids like him every day.

You had asked him to speak to a few of the them that were in a group home you frequented, to give them career advice and inspiration or something.

He felt your hands on his shoulders and he looked sideways at you.

“It could be good for them,” you said, “to see that there’s hope outside of a home. Especially for those that won’t get adopted.”

He grabbed the tie he had set aside. “You sound a lot like Curtis. He wanted me to talk to the vets at the center too.”

“You’ve overcome a lot, Bill. Not many people can say that.”

Seeing him about to get started on his tie, you placed yourself in front of him and said, “Let me do it.”

He raised an eyebrow at you, but didn’t protest. He was capable of doing it himself and you knew that, but something about the small task brought you joy. So, he put his hands in his pockets and let you get to it.

“By all means.”

You got to work on his tie. He admired you the entire time with a soft smile that eventually turned sad as time passed. You were completely unaware of the danger you were in and it killed him.

“You never know if you could inspire somebody. Even if it’s just one kid. Another Billy Russo waiting to get out and make something of himself,” you went on.

He sighed. Billy never really saw himself as someone who could put someone together, who could motivate. He was better at giving out orders, at being strategic, and getting a mission done. The only kids he ever interacted with were Lisa and little Frank, but they were long gone.

When you were done, you quickly straightened it out and sighed with a grin.

“There.”

“Thanks, baby.”

“It could be good for you too. Will you think about it?”

Your eyes were soft and pleading.

He rolled his eyes playfully. He just couldn’t say no to you. “Alright. I’ll think about it.”

You got up on your tip toes and gave him a quick kiss. “Thank you,” and got got back to gathering your things. Billy grabbed his suit jacket from the hanger it was on and slipped it on. He rubbed the back of his neck, and again, his attention went back to you. He looked down at his shoes and rubbed his neck nervously.

“Y/N…”

You kept putting things into your purse. “Yeah?”

“You still have that gun I gave you, right?”

Suddenly you froze and looked up at him. He was looking facing away from the mirror now. You glanced at your bag, the barrel of a handgun stuck out beneath your wallet. 

He had given it to you a while back as a precaution. he had even taken you to the gun range at Anvil and taught you how to use it. According to him, you were natural. You hadn’t used it thus far, and although you hoped you never would, you were always ready to do so.

“Yes, of course.”

“And you remember how to use it?”

Your expression only grew more and more concerned. Why was he asking you this?

“Yeah, I do,” you answered and put a hand on your hip. “Why?”

He stepped closer to you and your eyes never left his face.

“Just wanna make sure that you’re safe when I’m not around, is all. Can’t blame a guy for being worried about his girl,” he smiled weakly.

You bit your lip to hide a big smile. You loved it when he referred to you as “his girl” and he damn well knew it.

You ran your hands up his arms until they came to rest at the nape of his neck. Your fingers played with his hair there, which you wished he’d grow out one day.

“Well, it’s sweet of you to worry about me, baby, but I’m fine. And if something were to happen, I’ll be able to defend myself thanks to you. Okay?”

He gave you a tight lipped smile, unable to keep it truly genuine, because it hurt him to do so. He knew that if it ever came down to one of Rawlin’s men, you wouldn’t stand a chance. He knew, because his best friend lost everything to them.

“What?” you asked, noticing his hesitation.

All he did was shake his head and said, “Nothing,” before planting a kiss on your forehead.

“You always say that even though it’s not true.”

“It’s nothing you need to worry about, sweetheart,” he said, pulling away from you to put on his shoes.

You kept watching him, unconvinced, wanting to prod him until he’d give you a real answer, but you held back from it. You figured he’d tell you if it was serious or if it was, then he’d tell you when he was ready.

* * *

Billy stood in front of the large bay windows in William Rawlins’ office, looking out into the snow covered countryside. His hands were in his pockets, waiting for the man in question with dread. He could barely even bring himself to admire the large country house like he normally would have.

Billy would have liked to live in a place like this, one day. A long time ago, he would have liked one just for himself, but now, he could only imagine that future with you. One day the two of you would be happy in an enormous house like this, away from the city. One day, when this shit was over.

 _If_  this shit was over.

When he heard footsteps behind him, he tore his attention away from the view and turned around. Rawlins entered with a small smile, which already had Billy scowling. Just outside the door, he noticed a man posted outside, keeping guard. Eddie, no doubt.

“You brought your guard dog, Rawlins?” Billy said it loud enough so that Harlowe could hear, and he could tell that he did when he shifted his weight.

Rawlins made his way to the corner where the small bar was.

“Just a precaution, Russo. I can’t be too careful with you considering the circumstances,” he said. “Care to share a drink?”

Billy lowered himself down onto the brown leather couch, throwing his arm over the armrest.

“Not unless yours has poison in it.”

“You never really did have a filter. Did you, Lieutenant?”

Billy snorted, “Fuck you.”

Despite the obvious rejection, Rawlins came around and placed a glass full of amber liquid on the coffee table in front of Billy. The brunette eyed it with distaste as the milky eyed man sat down on one of the armchairs opposite him. The white marble fireplace served as a intricate background behind him.

“Still in contact with Madani?” 

“You know I am.”

“Well, we know she has no leads. Henderson was her way in. With him out of the way, we don’t have to worry about her, unless, of course, she gets to Castle.”

Billy sighed, “But you’re not going to let that happen.”

“No, and you’re going to help me with that. You know him the best, don’t you?”

The lieutenant gave a curt nod.

“Although, if it were up to me I would have killed him that first chance you saw him.”

Billy raised an eyebrow and gave him a look that questioned whether he was serious or not. 

“So, I should have just…what? Killed him on the pier right in broad daylight, in front of a calzone truck?” he asked with every last bit of snide.

“No. Someone else. A sniper,” Rawlins said as a matter of fact.

This man. Always so cold and so calculating. Billy had known him since his time in the Marines. He had known the things he was capable of doing to people. It was part of the reason Billy left. He left the Marines before things got even worse, before Rawlins did the real damage, but he made the mistake of making a deal with the man that was responsible for that bullshit in the first place. Agent Orange was a monster, and Billy knew as much.

But he also knew that deep down…he was a coward.

He inhaled deeply and leaned forward with his elbows on his knees.

“You know….I always thought of you as a hands on kind of guy. Your face when you were working over those Afghans. They would talk and talk, scared shitless, terrified and you’d just keep on hittin’ ‘em….and there would come this moment, always sometimes sooner, sometimes later…where they knew they were gonna die. And you knew it too.”

Rawlins kept his expression intact, but never took his eyes off of Billy, who continued the story in disgust. The memories flashed before his eyes, long passed, but still felt like they were fresh, much like most of his memories of Afghanistan.

“You’d see it…And I swear you’d get as hard as a man could get,” he said. “Is that your thing, Rawlins?”

Billy tilted his head to the side. He knew a thing or two about poking at people, intimidating them. Even though he knew this might not get him anywhere, it was the closest to strangling him that he would get. Billy took the drink and leaned back into the couch while taking a sip.

Rawlins shifted in his seat. “Stay on point, Lieutenant.”

“Oh, I am right on point,” the brunette said through gritted teeth and set down the glass on the side table. “I saw that same look on your face once. That fear. When Frank gave you that milky eye, he was gonna keep right on goin’ too. And you knew it then. All of your grand ambitions choked out of you in a shitty tent.”

He added, “Remind me. Who was it that pulled him off you again? Oh, yeah. I did.”

“For which I’m eternally grateful,” Rawlins nodded and attempted at a smile. “Is that what you want, Billy? My gratitude? You were protecting your meal ticket, weren’t you? I basically made you.”

That didn’t sit well with Billy, how this man thought he would be nothing without him. That he owned him somehow. It pissed him off, so he twisted the knife for good measure.

He smiled devilishly and said, “You know what I think? I think that maybe the only reason you ever wanted Frank dead, was so that you could pretend he never made you feel like a man about to die.”

It was true. Rawlins could say all he wanted that his reasoning for wanting to kill Frank was to eliminate any ties to Cerberus, but there was a whole other obsession lying underneath. Still, the bastard had the audacity to smile as if amused. Like he was proud of this obsession.

Billy pushed himself off the couch, so as to take his eyes off the piece of shit. They had other business to discuss anyway, didn’t they? Your life for whatever task came next?

Billy already had a few guesses on what Rawlins was going to have him do first. Based on the people Frank had named, there was only one logical next step the Punisher would take.

“You know Frank’s going after Morty Bennett first, right?” he said.

“I figured as much.”

“Are you gonna warn him?”

“Morty has the instincts of a rat and the courage of a rabbit. I tell him Castle is still living, one of two things happen. He runs or he talks.”

Bill hummed in amusement. That much was true. Morty Bennett always was a little bitch. He hated him. Then again, he hated the lot of them.

“So, what? You’re gonna kill him? Or I guess…have  _me_  kill him?”

Not that Billy would mind doing so. There was a list of people Billy would be glad to kill and Bennett was on that list. However, at the order of Agent Orange, it made him want to do it less.

Rawlins responded with, “Not if we don’t have to. Too many questions. We want Morty alive and where we can find him.”

“So what are you - we, gonna do?”

“Well, when Castle finally turns up, we’re going to save his life. You and your men will be ready for him when he comes. You take him out, Morty is safe, and he won’t have much to complain about after that.”

He made it sound so simple, as easy as taking out the trash, and part of Billy knew that he said it that way on purpose. The fact that he wanted him to “take out” Frank just like that made him sick. 

He had only just talked to him after six months of thinking he was dead, and now he was the one responsible for taking his life. And he could do it. Billy was the best at what he did and he knew he was probably the only person who had a chance against Frank, but it definitely wasn’t something he ever wanted to put to the test.

“That won’t be a problem, will it Lieutenant?” Rawlins asked, as if reading his mind, and Billy could hear the underlying threat.

Billy walked over to desk and looked out the window once again.

“No. Of course not.”

* * *

They waited amongst the trees outside of Colonel Bennett’s house, ready for when the signal was given that Frank had arrived. Billy and his men were covered head to toe in black tactical gear, a rifle in each of their hands. He worked his jaw anxiously, not wanting to deal with what was so come. It was a standard mission, really. He had done these many times, but this one was different.

_Don’t do it, Frank. Just don’t do it. Stay away from this._

But he knew that wasn’t going to happen. He knew Frank better than that, and yet when the signal came in through the comms, he sighed in frustration.

“He’s here! He’s here!”

_Godfuckingdamnit._

Billy looked to his men and said, “We’re up. Let’s go.”

He pulled the mask over the lower half of his face and led his team into the large brick house.

When they reached the door to the room that Morty and Frank were in, smoke seeped out from the crack.

 _No_ , Billy thought.  _Tear gas._

Everyone had their laser sights on, ready to shoot anyone who wasn’t Anvil. Billy counted down and one by one they broke into the room. Gas filled their vision, making it hard to see anything clearly past a few feet. The only thing that stood out was the light from the candles, the lamps, and the red lasers. They were practically blind to the far corners of the room. Anything or anyone could be there.

However, Billy remained calm.

He moved expertly, slowly and quietly. The room was silent, the only thing he could hear was his own breathing. He swept his scope over every area that he could see, in hopes of finding Frank or even Morty.

He kept his eyes trained on one corner, where the faint light of a table lamp was. For all he knew, Frank could be there and he wouldn’t be able to tell.

The lasers intersected and diverted as the men moved around, and a thought suddenly occurred to Billy. He looked down at his laser and then up at the rest of his team, each one giving away their location with their own red thread. A dead giveaway. Frank could jump out at him and try to kill him without hesitation, especially since he didn’t know who he was.

Billy reached for the switch at the stop of the rifle and clicked the red laser off.

If he was going to have a chance against Frank, he had to be hidden. He wasn’t going to go down while Rawlins had a gun at the back of his neck and yours.

Suddenly, there were noises of struggle and laser pointers started to go down, just like he anticipated. Billy stayed on high alert, his back against a wall, and his eyes sweeping the place. 

There was movement up ahead, one laser pointer left, pointed at him.

It was him. Frank.

The laser kept it’s trajectory. Frank was going to shoot at him anyway. Might as well do it first. All he had to do was pull the trigger and it would be over with. This would all be over. Rawlins would get what he wanted and you would be safe.

And Frank would be dead.

Billy squeezed his eyes shut for a moment and when he opened his eyes, he fired his machine gun gun, moving forward in the process. When he reached the end of the red light, there was nobody holding the gun. Instead, it just rested on the desk. No sign of a body either.

Part of him wanted to be annoyed, but most of all, he was relieved.

That feeling only lasted a short amount of time, before he noticed a dark figure coming in through the gas, with a gun raised. Instinctively, Billy took out his pistol from it’s holster and pulled the trigger. At the same time, Frank pulled his and a bullet went into the kevlar of Billy’s chest, knocking him to the ground, but not before he heard a grunt from the other man.

Frank stood over him, unfazed by the bullet, with a black ski mask over his face. Billy tried to get up, but he aimed the gun at him again and shot him two more times in the chest, which knocked him back down to the ground with a groan.

His gruff, familiar voice said, “Stay down,” before disappearing.

Billy winced at the pain the bullets caused as he sat up. Frank was getting away, he had to go after him. Or did he?

_Yes, yes you do._

He grabbed his pistol and forced himself to get up on his feet. He followed the sound of Frank’s footsteps and then the crash of a window breaking down the hall. When Billy found which one, Frank was already on the ground and running off the estate.

Billy raised his gun and trained it on him, followed his path. His finger hovered over the trigger, ready to squeeze it and shoot at Frank.

_Do it. **Do it.**_

He tried. He tried to force himself, but nothing happened. His heart pumped a million miles a minute and his hands started to shake. He had shot a gun dozens of times, and they never shook like that. Never.

Soon enough, Frank was far out of sight. Gone. Billy lowered his gun and made a noise of frustration.

“Goddamnit.”

Not at Frank, but at himself.


	3. No One on This Green Earth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Billy deals with the aftermath of the failed mission and his own internal struggle

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This part starts immediately with smut, so fair warning. Also, shit hits the fan after this part, do not fear. Or do. I hope you enjoy!

You wrapped your legs around Billy’s waist, keeping him closer to you as he thrust in and out of you. Each stroke was delicious, and elicited a series of moans from you both, noises that only sent you closer to the edge. Your nails dug into his back and he hissed, but didn’t tell you to stop.

The headboard hit against the wall with rhythmic thuds. The two of you were too busy to think of whether or not the neighbors were home.

You crashed into your orgasm, and you held onto him for dear life as it shook you. Billy left a trail of kisses from your shoulder, up your neck and to your jaw. You giggled and he kissed you hard. It was intoxicating. When he disconnected, his dark chocolate eyes took you in and you found yourself wanting to get lost in them.

“Good morning,” he said.

“Good morning.”

“You,” he panted, “Are the most gorgeous thing I’ve ever seen - or heard - in my life.”

You laughed, masking the hitch in your breath. It still surprised you when he said such sweet things. He pulled out of you, and rolled off the bed to grab a washcloth to help clean you up.

When he was done, he tossed the washcloth away, and plopped back on to the bed next to you. You propped yourself up on your elbows to get a good look at him. You found yourself admiring him, his face and his body. When you caught your eye, he smirked.

“Like what you see, Y/L/N?”

“I do,” you bit your lip.

His breathing faltered as you did it, which you barely noticed. He then threw his arm around you, pulling you close. You moved to rest your head on his shoulder, but then the bruises on his chest caught your eye. You ran your fingers over them.

“You never told me how you got these.”

He glanced down at himself for a second. “Oh, yeah. Tactical Mission. Got hit three times.”

Your eyes widened slightly. He had been shot before, had the scars to prove it, but that didn’t make it any less scary for you. The idea of him getting killed always sent your anxiety through the roof. “Oh shit.”

He reach up and cupped your face with his hand. “It’s fine. That’s what bulletproof vests are for.”

“Thank God for kevlar.”

“Damn right. Hurt like a bitch, but it was nothing I couldn’t handle.”

You hummed. “Yeah, you’re a big tough guy, or whatever,” you said playfully.

He chuckled, “Something like that. Isn’t that why you’re with me? Apart from my good looks, of course.”

You rolled your eyes at him and shook your head. “Something like that.” You paused for a second, thinking. “Did you at least get the other guy?”

His gaze up at the ceiling now. His fingers mindlessly carded through your hair as he remembered something that you wished you could see.

“Yeah,” he said finally. “Yeah, I got him.”

Your rested your head on his chest. He steady breathing and heartbeat were enough to make you want to fall back asleep, but the two of you had work to do.

“I’m just glad you’re okay. Safe,” you said. “I don’t know what I’d do if something happened to you.”

“Hey.” He lightly grabbed your chin and tilted your head up to look at him. His brow was furrowed and his eyes were looking deep into yours. “You don’t need to worry about me, okay? I know what I’m doing.”

“Which I don’t doubt, but…I never know when you go on these missions or what you do on them - which I know isn’t my business, but…you can’t blame me for worrying, Bill. If you were the CEO of some boring company it would be different, but you’re not.”

He sighed, but there was still that light hearted look in his eyes. Like he was always amused by everything. “Tell you what. What if I called you before every mission? Would that make you feel better?”

It was a good idea, actually. At least with that, you’d know when he was putting himself in possible danger. He worried about you too, after all, and gave you a gun because of it. He had to let you worry about him for a change.

You nodded, “Actually, I think that would be great.”

“Great. So it’s settled” He kissed your hair.

You bit your lip and smiled. “Thank you.”

His breathing faltered again, and this time you noticed it. He reached out and lightly pulled your bottom lip free with his thumb.

“You keep doing that and I might have to take you for another round.”

You scoffed and cocked your head to the side in surprise.

“Is that a promise, Mr. Russo?”

“Maybe…but I mean, we do have work to do today.”

You sat up and started getting out of bed, all the while speaking in exaggerated sarcasm.

“Well then I guess, if we have work to do, then we can’t possibly-”

You squealed in delight as Billy wrapped his arms around your waist and pulled you back into bed. His face hovered over yours with a wolfish grin.

“Then again, a promise is a promise, princess. ANVIL can wait.”

* * *

Billy sighed and sat against the leather couch for what felt like once too many times this week. Except this time he was out of his suit and donning a green sweater. It also seemed that his nerves were higher than normal. He never considered himself a nervous person, and he hated it. He didn’t want to show it, so he resisted the urge to bounce a knee or tap his fingers, instead, he resorted to munching down on the almonds Rawlins had in a bowl on his desk.

It kept him occupied while the other man stared him down from the armchair he often took up.

“I couldn’t help but notice that you weren’t here at your usual earliness….business with the missus?” Rawlins looked amused, it sickened Billy.

He almost launched himself at him then and there. Luckily he was good at contained anger. If he had a dollar for every time he had to resort to that, he’d be richer than he was now.

“That’s none of your fucking business now, is it?” he snapped.

“No need to get snappy, Lieutenant. I was merely making an observation.”

“Yeah, well keep your observations to yourself and get on with what we’re really here for,” Billy sneered at him, “You’re pissed, aren’t you? Say what you gotta say.”

It didn’t take very long for the other man to get on with it.

“What happened to having the best team out there, Russo?”

“I do,” Billy said through gritted teeth.

“Do you?”

“Yes.”

“Then, tell me…how in the hell did Castle get away from you?”

Billy popped an almond into his mouth and very loudly brought his teeth onto it with a crack.

“You keep forgetting that Castle was one of the best in our unit. He’s good at what he does.”

“Next to you. I thought you were confident in your ability to take him down?”

“My ability, maybe. But it wasn’t my team’s fault that Frank is always one step ahead. The son of a bitch used tear gas, he was hiding in plain sight. You can’t blame them. He was damn near invisible.”

Any other given day, he would have been pissed at his team, drilled them hard for their mistakes. But considering Billy’s feelings on the mission itself, he couldn’t bring himself to care as much about it. He was just happy that they got out of this one alive. At least he could rely on the fact that Frank wasn’t a cold blooded killer.

“I thought you trained them for situations like that, Lieutenant.”

“Yeah, well, sometimes things go to shit. We’ll get him next time.”

Rawlins shifted in his seat, and narrowed his eyes at Billy. They were scrutinizing, like they were trying to see through him, even the milky one. It annoyed the brunette to no end.

“What?” Billy spit out.

“Are you sure you want there to be a next time, Russo?”  
Billy gave him a weird look. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I think you know what that means. You’re not exactly doing any of this for loyalty to me and I know damn well the attachment you have to Castle. Who’s to say that you didn’t…let him get away?”

“I didn’t,” Billy said defensively, “I told you, by the time I caught up to him, he was out the window, and long gone.”

Rawlins continued to look unconvinced, but Billy maintained his face straight and free of any emotion. He couldn’t let the enemy know what he was really thinking. The real enemy. He reached for another almond and threw it into his mouth.

“Well, we can’t have another fuck up like this, can we Lieutenant?” Rawlins finally said. “If it happens again, I’m afraid I’m gonna have to question whether you really care about that precious girlfriend of yours.”

Billy tensed and worked his jaw at the mention of you. If he clenched it any harder, his perfect teeth would surely shatter. Rage threatened to boil at the idea of anyone laying their hands on you.

Any wrong move from him and it could mean the worst.

“I assure you,” Billy forced out. “It won’t happen again.”

* * *

Dealing with Morty Bennett was a pain in the ass. When the Colonel’s house was under attack, there were procedures that went underway to make sure none of it leaks out. After the shit show of a mission, Billy made sure to give Morty the exact words to say. That it was a secret training exercise for unit readiness, blah, blah, blah.

Didn’t make him any less bitchy about it.

“You knew, you sons of bitches!” he yelled in the middle of Rawlins’ office. “You knew he was coming for me, and you said nothing!”

It took a lot of wrangling from Orange to settle him down. They asked him questions about Frank and whether or not he took anything or if Bennett said anything to him. The answer to every question was “nothing”.

Frank took nothing.

As he say on the back of the couch, watching the interaction like a panther, Billy couldn’t help but think about that fact. He couldn’t believe it, wouldn’t believe it. As far as Rawlins knew, Frank was unsuccessful in his mission, but Billy had a feeling that his best friend was up to something else. Something that nobody else could see.

But for now, Billy was going to keep that suspicion to himself.

* * *

Of course, it only made sense that they get rid of the Colonel. It was what Billy thought Rawlins’ had in mind in the first place after all. Although cold blooded murder wasn’t the kind of work Billy was particularly fond of. But, of course, it was up to him to do it.

Luckily, he was even less fond of the bald bastard.

He just wanted to get it over with so he could get home. At this point, you were the only source of escape from all of this. Even though the thought of your face at knowing what he was about to do, made him sick. You knew he had killed before, that wasn’t the problem. It was who he was killing for and why that was the bad part.

He led Morty to what was supposed to be the safe house. A shitty room on the second floor of a shitty motel. When they entered, the Colonel blabbered on, unbeknownst to him of the bloodied body that was hidden under the covers of the bed in the other part of the room. Courtesy of Eddie Harlowe.

“You all better come up with the goods fast, or I’m gonna die from looking at this wallpaper.”

Billy closed the door behind him. “We all gotta die somehow, right?”

“Yeah. Good thing self-importance isn’t fatal, huh, Russo?”

Billy scoffed and took up one of the chairs by the entrance.

“You never liked me much, huh, Morty?”

Without batting an eyelash, Bennett put his hand on his hip and said, “Nope. You special forces types always pissed me off. Superior sons of bitches. Swanning around like your shit doesn’t stink.”

Billy rolled his eyes and watched carefully as Morty entered the bedroom.

When he finally discovered her, the woman that had been in his house the other night, he reacted as expected. Shocked, disgusted, and putting all the pieces together as he realized that he was being framed. Billy watched it all in distaste.

Bennett turned to him, his eyes wide with fear.

“What I said - I didn’t mean…”

 _Yeah, yeah._  The asshole did terrible shit, and only now was he trying to redeem himself by begging for mercy from the man he admitted to hating just a minute earlier.

Billy got up from the chair he was sitting in and walked towards the other man, who started backing away from him, but that didn’t stop the Lieutenant. “It’s not about what you said.”

It was nothing personal.

“Look, there’s no need. I’m leaving anyway. Tomorrow I’ll be gone,” Bennett said with desperation.

Billy took a deep breath, preparing himself for what he was about to do next, separating himself from it.

“Yeah,” he nodded, before grabbing Morty’s wrist that held a pistol, taking out the hidden blade beneath his sleeve, and plunging it up into his chest twice.

Blood spilled out from the wound, covering Billy’s hand in it. Morty groaned in pain as he sank down to the floor. Billy managed to take the gun from his hand before he hit the ground, and kept his eyes forward. With a rag, he cleaned the blood off the blade and pushed it back into it’s hidden place, and then used the rag to clean most of the red off his hands.

_Business. Just business._

Bennett, still alive, crawled over to the nightstand where the phone was and his intention was clear. In a few quick strides, Billy made his way to it, picked it up, and pulled it until it disconnected from the wall. He sat down on the bed with it next to him and looked down at the floor, listening to Morty’s struggling until finally, there was silence.

* * *

He held his hands behind his back, covered by black leather gloves, and waited. Being an ex-military, Billy was always on time - early even, so he did a lot of waiting.

He looked up at the sky. Gray clouds hung over New York City like a large blanket that blocked out the sun, and ironically, any warmth. The Manhattan skyline up ahead was dulled from it’s usual splendor, and yet, Billy still saw it as one of the greatest cities in the world. It wasn’t measured by the buildings, but by the people inside them.

Suddenly, he thought of you. He always associated this weather with you, because it was what you called “The perfect time of year.” It wasn’t too hot or too cold, and it always meant the holidays were around the corner.

Despite the meeting that was about to occur, Billy had to strange urge to call you, to hear your voice. It felt like he hadn’t seen you at all these past few days and when he did, it was usually in a rush.

Working under Rawlins while also being undercover with Madani took up a lot of his time, not to mention his mind.

He needed to hear your voice. It was one of the only things to calm him down from this insanity. Logically, he shouldn’t, since Rawlins would be here any minute…but who gave a shit about him?

* * *

You sat at the corner cafe in Washington square, enjoying a cup of coffee and looking over a file to kill some time before your next client. Perfect for the cold fall weather that seemed to take over New York. You stared up at the sky, past the trees and above the buildings. The clouds were like a dome, sealing the city in for miles.

You didn’t mind it one bit. In fact, you loved it.

You were startled from your thoughts by a vibrating that came from your pocket. You reached in and took out your phone, which displayed an incoming call. You smiled at the caller I.D., “Billy”, and picture on the front. It was a picture you had caught of him when he had just woken up. His hair was messed up, and you absolutely adored it.

You answered the call and pressed the phone to your ear.

“Hey there, stranger,” you said.

“Hey, baby. I hope I didn’t interrupt work or anything.”

“No, you’re fine. You caught me at the perfect time, actually.”

“Great.”

You hummed. “Why are you calling? Not that I mind, but…is everything okay?”

“Yeah, everything’s fine. I just….”

“What?” you asked half concerned.

“You’re gonna think I’m a sap, but I looked up at the sky and thought of you. I know you love with this weather. Then I thought, ‘Why not give her a call?’”

You closed your eyes as heat rose to your cheeks. Only he seemed to have the ability to make you feel this way.

You giggled, “Well, I’m glad you did…And for the record, I love it when you’re a sap.”

He chuckled, “Good.”

There was silence for a beat, although you could sense a smile on the other end. You wished you could see it in person.

You felt like you were seeing Billy less and less. You were used to him spending long period at the office and coming home late at night, but….things felt off recently.

“I miss you,” you said suddenly.

“But you saw me this morning,” he said jokingly.

“I know, but…I feel like that’s all I get sometimes. Five minutes in the morning and that’s it.”

“The other day felt a lot more than five minutes to me.”

You rolled your eyes and clicked your tongue. “If you were here, I’d smack you.”

His laugh on the other end made you smile. When the laughter died down, he got serious.

“I know, princess. I miss you too. It’s just…work has been a real pain in the ass these past couple of days. We got clients lining up left and right. It’s insane.”

“And I’m happy for you, I really am, but….”

You missed him. You missed him in more ways than one. Not just his physical presence, but emotionally too. When you first started dating, it was rough. Most people go through the honeymoon phase, but when Frank’s family got killed and he disappeared, it took an invisible toll on Billy. You were there for him wherever you could, and never pushed him to talk about anything he didn’t want to. Eventually he opened up to you, a thing he never did with anyone else.

The two of you shared a lot together. Not every single detail, but enough.

However, now. Now, you felt like you were going backwards again. He was more closed off than usual, acting weird even. Something was going on that he wasn’t telling you about and it was plaguing you even when you were at work. Your brain couldn’t help to make assumptions and conclusions that could very well shatter you. Assumptions about what he could be doing behind your back.

“What is it, babe?” he asked, and you could hear the concern in his voice.

You took a deep breath. Now or never.

“I just feel like you’re hiding something from me.”

There was silence on the other end, and it filled you with dread.

“Y/N-”  
There were noises on the other end, like a car engine.

“I’m sorry, baby, but I have to go. We’ll talk about this later, okay? I promise.”

You nodded to yourself at least, “Okay. I love you.”

“I love you too.”

* * *

Billy hung up the phone. His brain was split between the conversation he just had with you, and the one that he had to deal with now. Tires grinded against gravel and the engine of a car sounded from behind him. The car that contained the source of all the fuckery. The car stopped, doors opened and shut. Bill perked his head up, but he kept looking forward.

“Look at this,” Rawlins’ voice was what made Billy turn slowly towards him. “Industry. Coal, iron, steel. Real things.”

Billy faced him now, his expression neutral as he watched Agent Orange close the distance between them. He had his usual beige coat and red scarf. His milky eye matched perfectly with the sky above. Suddenly, Billy wished it was the summer time.

“You heard the tape,” Agent Orange said.

The tape that came from the bug they had planted in Madani’s office. Billy had heard it when he was back at ANVIL. She and her partner, Sam Stein, had a lead on Frank, and were planning an operation.

“That’s why we’re here,” he said.

“We have to go after Castle. He’s the last witness.”

Billy narrowed his eyes, that sarcastic glint in them ever present. He knew Rawlins wanted Frank dead, but he wanted to stop hearing about it.

“And get in the middle of a government operation? Hell of a risk.”

“Risky is him being captured and talking about Kandahar to save himself from a lifetime of prison. We both have… _ambitions_  to protect.”

“We go after him now, we’re exposed on that bug,” Billy snarked. “We lose our intelligence on Homeland.”

Rawlins was used to it at this point. “Everything checks out. Jack DeLeon is in custody. They’re planning an operation. As soon as they file the details, I’ll have them. It’s a chance we must take.”

Billy ran his tongue over the front of his teeth in frustration and looked away from the milky eyed man for a second.

So they had to take out Frank, and possibly Madani now too, huh? He didn’t have a particular attachment to her, but he respected her. The woman was a fucking powerhouse, relentless. He would have helped her with the Kandahar case, had it been other circumstances. And she was the reason he even found out Frank was alive in the first place.

Now he was wondering if that was even a good thing in the first place, now that there was a second chance at capturing him. And this time, Billy wasn’t sure if he could afford to not pull the trigger again.

He took a deep breath, thinking, and looked at Rawlins again.

“We go after him again, I can’t use anybody on my payroll. You lost nine of my guys in your apparent hunt for Henderson in the woods. I’mma need outside operators, and they will not be cheap.”

Rawlins smiled, “Guess everything comes down to money, doesn’t it?”

“Easy enough to say for a guy who never worried about money a day in his life.”

“I pay you well.”

“Yeah, with drug and blood money, and yet, you still think you’re better than me,” he snapped.

Agent Orange sighed, “Get your men, Billy. As a matter of fact, I’ll provide them for you. And the minute Homeland files a tactical plan, I’ll have it in your hands.”

Billy nodded and Rawlins gave him a weird look.

“Is this about Madani? Did you become friends with her or something?”

Billy snorted, “No.”

“Good. I thought that perhaps you were worried about going against her. After all, in the grand scheme of things, her life worth less than others, isn’t it?”

It made Billy want to explode with the way he kept bringing you up, taunting Billy, reminding him that Rawlins had him on a leash.  It drove him mad. He closed the distance between the two of them, slowly, until he was a merely a foot away from him. It brought Billy joy that given his height, he towered over the man.

“There’s no one on this green earth I’m worried about going against. Not for her,” he practically bared his teeth. “We clear on that?”

And it was true. In that moment it felt true to Billy, that he would do anything for you, to keep you alive and safe. He’d go against anyone.

Especially the man that was standing in front of him, at this very moment.


	4. Gun Shots & Tainted Roses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter, you've finally had it with Billy's lies and secrecy. When you confront him and still get nothing, you decide to take matters into your own hands. As much as Billy wants to be by your side and tell you everything, he can't put your life in danger, and has to go on what could be the very mission where he kills his best friend. Maybe after this, you'll be free.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A lot happens in this one, so I hope it makes sense. There's guns, violence, blood, and major angst. You're welcome.

Billy was fixing his hair over the bathroom sink, when you walked in and hugged him from behind. He smiled softly, something that made you melt. Which is why you were wary about the question you were about to ask him.

“Are you going to see her today?”

He tensed a little, but it was only for a fraction of a second. Still, you noticed.

“Yeah. I think a visit was long overdue.”

You slid away from behind him and leaned against the sink to get a better look at him.

“Do you want me to come with you? I can call in late to work if you want,” you said it with a soft touch of his arm.

He stopped messing with his hair and looked at you endearingly. He reached out and pushed a strand of your hair away from your face. With a small shake of his head he said,

“No. Thanks for offering, but this is something I gotta do.”

You watched him curiously as he turned away from you and put away his hair products. There was an undertone to what he was saying, like doing what he was about to do was like torture. Torture that he didn’t want to subject you to.

He walked out of the bathroom and you followed him closely.

“You wouldn’t be subjecting me to torture, Bill. Contrary to what you might think, I wouldn’t mind going with you.”

He hummed as he sat down at the edge of the bed to put on his socks.

“I know you wouldn’t, baby, but I just…”

You waited for him to finish the sentence but he hesitated.

You leaned against the doorframe. “You just…what?”

He looked at you, and sighed.

“Don’t tell me this is another one of those things you have to keep from me, because I’m getting pretty fucking sick of those.”

He shook his head and stopped his actions to look at you directly. “No, no no. This, this is different.”

“Come here,” he said, motioning with his head and you did just that.

He rested his hands on your waist and yours automatically went to his shoulders. He looked up at you with those big brown eyes that had quickly become like home to you. Those eyes that had so much mischief and humor despite the soldier-like, CEO facade he usually put on. No, right now you weren’t looking at the mask, you were looking at Billy.

“She - “ He began to say, but then closed his mouth and winced, as if whatever he was about to say pained him. You gave his shoulders a light, reassuring squeeze. “I have nothing but bad memories with that woman -  _because_  of that woman. But you? You’re the one good, solid thing I have in this world.”

“And I guess part of me still wants to keep those two things separate. To keep as much of the bad away from the good.”

Your heart constricted at his words. Even though it was a serious topic, it felt good when he opened up to you like this. It meant something.

“I’m not afraid of the bad, baby. You don’t have to keep protecting me from it. I love you enough and I think I’m strong enough to handle it.”

“Oh, I don’t doubt your strength, baby,” he said it with a grin.

You returned it. “Good.”

Without waiting for another response, you gave him a sweet kiss and added,

“Whenever you’re ready, baby. I’ll be here.”

You slipped away from him to finish getting ready, unaware that he was watching you with love and disbelief.

* * *

He walked down the hallway of the nursing home, cracking his knuckles to alleviate some of the tension that had unconsciously built in his body. Billy had done this before, but it was never easier. You had even volunteered to go with him, but he just couldn’t bring it upon himself to drag you into this. Not when you had clients that were of more importance, and not when he wasn’t ready to open that box he had worked so hard to keep shut for so long.

He ran his hand over the silk tie you had gifted him for his birthday. It was his favorite color, red, with a subtle rose pattern thinly stitched in gold thread. It quickly became his favorite. Not just because it was it was a bit flashier than his other ties, but because every time he wore it, it was like having a piece of you around with him.

Which is why he chose to wear it today.

Finally, he reached the door that led to the same room he frequented, and opened it. Inside was a hospital bed, and on it, was a dark haired woman tucked underneath the covers. She was hooked to an IV, and made no response or noise to Billy’s entrance. The nurse, Katie, was inside, leaving behind a tray of food to serve her later.

“Hi, Katie.”

“Hi,” the nurse replied in a whisper.

“How is she today?”

She sighed, “Same,” and headed out the door to leave Billy alone with the woman.

“Okay,” Billy nodded, somberly. “Thank you.”

When the door closed and they were finally alone, in silence, Billy looked down at his mother. This was always where he felt split between two emotions.

There was sorrow. Sorrow at the fact that the woman who gave birth to him had ended up in a hospital bed in the first place. That she was practically paralyzed, couldn’t speak or make major movements. It was almost an obligated sorrow, as a son, to feel for his sick mother.

But then, there was of course, the anger.

The anger at how she had treated him in the little time she claimed to raise him, in her drug induced state. Anger at how she had abandoned him in a fire station in Albany as a child, which then led him to live a life as an orphan. A life of survival.

It was an anger that had threatened to consume him long ago. It gave way to bitterness and self-reliance.  It seemed to be that that was the only way he was doomed to live his life. The only way he could survive, by thinking that nobody else mattered but him.

Until he joined the Marines, which led him to Frank, which led him to you.

Of course, the Marines led him to other places that he now would come to regret.

“Your therapy lamp arrived. That’s great,” he said with a small smile. “I told them you weren’t getting enough sunshine. And I know that you ummmm….I know how that upsets you.”

It was a passive aggressive statement, but it was the best he could to all things considered. All the while, she merely stared up at him with a blank stare. Billy put his coat down at the edge of the bed and took a seat next to her.

They said it was good to talk to her, the doctors, and even you. Even if she couldn’t give a response, she could still hear, and it would be good to have a conversation with her. It was hard at first, but he found that it was nice to talk to someone that he knew wouldn’t say anything back or to anyone else.

“Y/N is doing great by the way. She’s amazing at what she does, really. She has so much patience and love for these kids she works with, you know? I don’t know how I ever got so lucky, to be honest. If I had a social worker like her when I was a kid, life might have been a little easier.”

“She wanted to come, but….I think part of me still wants to protect her…from you.”

He cast a sideways glance at her, as if he could catch any form of reaction or response, but as per usual, there was nothing. He sighed and looked down at the floor.

“It’s been a rough week,” he said. “This old friend of mine is back in town. This guy, he’s - he’s probably the only real friend I’ve ever had. And I’m happy, or at least, I was so fucking happy that he’s back, especially since I thought he was dead all this time, but….now everything’s gone to shit.”

He paused, swallowed thickly.

“Now that he’s alive again, everyone wants him dead. Specifically this piece of shit that helped me start my company, who turns out, did a lot of fucked up shit back in Iraq after I left. Shit only a handful of people knew, including Frank, which is why they want him gone.”

“And you know who they want to do the dirty work?” He looked at his mom, a pained smile on his face. “Me. The bastard wants me to kill the only friend I’ve ever had, over shit I had nothing to do with….and I can’t do anything about it.”

He rubbed his hands together and looked down at them.

“Because if I try anything…..they’ll kill her. They’ll kill, Y/N.” His voice faltered a bit. “So I have to choose, between the two people I care about. Isn’t that just fucked up?”

He looked at her again, and her big brown eyes - just like his - were trained on him. She started to breathe heavily, a sign of agitation from what he just said.

He exhaled sharply. “Do you know that you are maybe the only person in the entire world that I can be truly honest with? Do you know that?”

Silence.

“I used to think it was Y/N, but lately I’ve come to realize that that’s not completely true. It can’t be, right? Not when I’m trying to save her life.

* * *

You were sipping coffee at the breakfast table. The weather was getting colder, so you were wrapped up in the warmest clothes. The heat from the coffee mug was so soothing, you never wanted to let it go. It was the first peaceful morning you’ve had in weeks. Probably because it was your day off and you were allowing yourself to relax instead of worry about an impending paperwork that you might have to do.

You never wanted this level of comfort to leave you.

“Y/N?”

Your love’s voice came from the stairs and an idea occurred to you.

“In the kitchen,” you said all smiley.

There was the sound of footsteps as he came down the stairs and then as he made his way to the kitchen. You were expecting to still see him in his pajamas, but frowned in disappointment when he walked up to you already dressed in yet another suit.

He raised his eyebrows at you.

“What? You don’t like this one?”

You stood up and ran your hands over the material.

“No, of course I do. I just thought that maybe…..”

“Maybe what?”  
You smirked at him and slid your hands up his chest until they interlocked at the back of his neck. “It’s my day off and I was hoping if maybe you’d want to call in to ANVIL and tell them to fuck off for a day, you know?”

You expected him to chuckle, but he didn’t. “I can’t do that, Y/N. Not today, at least.”

You furrowed your brows at him and pulled back a little bit to examine him. It never took you very long to figure out when something was wrong, even with someone as good at keeping his emotions in check like Billy. You were sure he hated it, or maybe loved it, you weren’t sure.

“What’s wrong?” you asked.

Right then he looked nervous and had to take a deep breath. All sense of comfort was gone as you were trying to figure out what the hell was wrong with him. He rubbed the part between his eyebrows and said, “I need to ask you something.”

You were no longer holding him, but instead crossing your arms, both to keep yourself warm and to keep skepticism.

“What is it, baby?”

“Let’s sit,” you did so hesitantly and he took the seat across from you. There was a pause and then, “You love me, right?”

Your smirked and rolled your eyes, thinking that it was just another way of him teasing you. “Of course I do.”

“And you know I love you, right?”

You looked at him strangely. What was he getting at with this?

“Yes, I do,” you said slowly. “What is it, Bill?”

You could see his jaw was clenched, a sign that he was either angry or holding back something. Before saying anything, sat back in his seat, thinking, which involuntarily made you sit up so you could be closer.

He sat back up again and his intense eyes found yours.

“Would you still love me….even if I did something bad?”

You pulled your head back in dismay. “What? Of course I would. I already told you I’m not scared of the bad, Billy”

“I know, but…What if it was something fucked up. Something terrible?”

You were back to being anxious.

“What do you-? What are you-?”

Your eyes widened. Oh fuck. Was this it? Was this him finally confirming one of your many suspicions? Was he cheating? You eyes widened slowly.

“Did you do something, Billy?”

He stayed silent for a bit and you swore it was like a two ton weight was crushing your lungs. You had to stand up in order to breathe, but you knew that the only way to alleviate it was to ask that dreaded question you had been wanting to ask for a while now.

“Are you….are you having an affair?”

Now, it was his turn to be taken aback. He leaned away from you with an unintelligible rambling coming out of his mouth. He ran his fingers through his hair.

“No, Jesus fuck. Do you really think I would-? Why would I-? Is that what you think?”

You crossed your arms, angry suddenly at the look he was giving you. Like you were stupid to even think so. Finally, you just let him have it, all of the thoughts you had been holding on to from the beginning.

“What the fuck else am I supposed to think, Billy?! All you do is hide things from me lately, and act fucking weird. I never see you anymore and in that time my mind goes places, makes assumptions, okay? You can’t blame me for thinking the absolute worst when you won’t tell me anything anymore!”

He reached out and took your hands in his callused ones.

“Listen to me, alright? I would never, ever, do something like that to you. You’re the one good, stable thing I have in this world and I would rather shoot myself than fuck it up by sleeping with some other woman. Alright?”

Tears were streaming down your face now, and you barely even noticed. Part of you felt better knowing that he wasn’t doing that to you, but there was still something wrong. Obviously wrong. If he wasn’t having an affair then was else could he have done?

“Then, shit. What is it, Bill? What did you do?”

“It’s not what I did, but what I’m going to do.”

Your heart hammered in your chest at this point. He looked down at your hands together, so you reached up and lightly grabbed his stubbled chin to make him look at you.

“What are you gonna do, baby?”

He shook his head, “I can’t tell you. Not yet. Not until it’s done.”

You exhaled in exasperation. “W-What?”

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have brought this up.” He got up from his seat abruptly. “I have to go. We can talk about this when I come home.”

“Are you fucking kidding me? You’re just gonna leave? Billy!”

“I’m sorry.”

He took a step towards you, like he wanted to kiss you goodbye, but instead, he walked out of the kitchen, his footsteps loud and clear as he continued on through the rest of the apartment and to the front door. You listened to it open and shut, leaving you with a million emotions you didn’t know how to deal with. You didn’t know whether to cry or scream or be scared. Or all of the above.

“What the hell have you gotten yourself into, Billy?” you whispered to yourself.

Your hands were shaking. You thought that him not actually having an affair would make you feel better but now you felt worse. You didn’t know what the hell was going on and you didn’t like it one bit. It was tearing you up inside.

You were supposed to be heading to work, but there was no way that you were going to be able to get work done in this state. But you also didn’t want to sit around, and wait for Billy to get back home.

You tried calling him, but it went straight to voicemail, which made you scream.

What the fuck was going on?

Pacing around the apartment, you bit at your fingernails, wondering what to do next. And then the idea struck.

There was only one other person alive who knew Billy better than you. And if anyone was going to have any answers, it would be him.

* * *

The time came sooner than Billy had hoped.

He went over the mission plans with his new team, rather, the team Rawlins had provided. To his utter disgust, Eddie Harlowe was among them. As if Agent Orange wasn’t already on his ass, now he sent his dog to keep an eye on him.

Billy shot him a glare any chance that he got. Luckily, he was the one in charge of this mission, so the asshole had to listen to him.

As he got dressed in his tactical gear, he tried his best to go over it in his head. But there was too much on his mind. All he could think about was the conversation he had with you this morning. He was already torn about what he had to do to Frank, but now he felt even worse with the way that he left you.

He was never one to walk away from an argument, but there was no easier way to do it. He still couldn’t tell you anything. There were only a few more hours left before all of this would be done and then you’d both be free. He couldn’t risk that. After this, he was going to take time off at work and take you on vacation. Hell, he was even considering getting off the grid completely. He had the money and the fake passports for it ready. It didn’t sound too bad.

He secured his hidden knife onto his wrist, and with a push, it slid back into place with a metallic sound. He checked his guns, to make sure they were full of ammo and that they weren’t jammed. With metallic clicks, he put them back into place, putting his pistol into the holster.

When he was all armored up, he decided to step into his office for a moment to let the rest of the team get ready.

It was before a mission, and there was a call he promised to make.

* * *

You rarely drove your car, but considering the distance of your destination and the fact that you had no intention of dealing with the subway, you decided to take it for a drive. It was good to have control over something. Even if traffic was a shit-show.

When you came to a stoplight, the music you had playing was interrupted by a phone call. Since your phone was connected with bluetooth it rang through the entire car. You heart constricted when on the screen in the middle of the dashboard lit up with Billy’s name and number.

You looked at it for a second and let it ring, until some asshole behind you honked at you and brought you back to reality. You touched the screen to let the call through and continued to drive through the silver skyscrapers.

Maybe he called to give you some answers after all.

“Hey,” you said a little less animated than you usually are.

“Hey, baby,” he was a little more serious too. “I just wanted to call you because I’m getting ready to go on another mission and I uh, I promised you I’d call beforehand, so here you go.”

You tapped your fingers on the steering wheel, thoughtfully. It did make you smile a bit that he remembered. Granted, the thought of him putting himself in danger again, made you worried.

“Oh, okay. Thank you for calling.”

“Of course, princess.”

There was silence. Neither of you said anything, but neither of you hung up. Your eyes started to water and you had to close them to keep back any tears.

You had to say something.

“Billy-”

“Listen-”

You both spoke at the same time.

“Sorry, you go ahead,” he chuckled.

“No, it’s fine. What were you going to say?”

He took a deep breath. You could already imagine his face on the other end.

“Listen, Y/N. I’m sorry about the way I left things. And I’m sorry that I’ve been hiding things from you, and that I made you think the worst. But I just want you to know that I’m doing this for your own safety. I wouldn’t be doing this if it wasn’t for a reason.”

“My own safety? Why would you be scared for my safety.”

“I can’t.”

“Something. Anything! Because right now there’s this large chasm in between us Billy and I feel like I’m losing you.”

You voice cracked at the end of your sentence, and you had to stop yourself from going any further otherwise you might breakdown again.

There was a sigh on the other end. Part of you wished you could reach through the phone and hold him.

As if reading your mind he said, “You have no idea how much I wish I was with you right now. Not here.”

_Where is “Here”, Billy?_

“Then come home,” you said.

There was a moment of silence, and it almost killed you.

“I will,” he said and you were almost hopeful. You were almost ready to put the car in drive and head back home to meet him, but then he said, “Soon. When I’m done. I promise.”

You held back on punching the steering wheel or if you had the strength you’d pull it from it’s place. Instead your ran your tongue over your teeth.

“I have to go,” he said.

“Again?”

“Yes, we’ll talk about this later, I promise.”

“You already said that.”

“I know, but it’s true. We will,” he paused. His voice was more vulnerable when he spoke again. “I don’t want to lose you, Y/N.”

Your lip quivered and you had to grip the steering wheel hard to keep yourself from breaking down.

“I don’t want to lose you either.”

“I love you.”

“I love you too,” you said. “Come back to me, alive, okay? Be safe. I can’t be pissed at you if you’re dead.”

There was a light chuckle. “Of course. I always do.”

* * *

Billy kept his breathing steady and even behind the heat of the ski mask. He walked quietly and swiftly in a crouched stance, scanning the abandoned warehouse with his gun as the rest of the team followed closely behind him. Old mannequins, sewing machines, rolls of fabric, and other remnants of a clothing factory littered the concrete building. They weaved around and about them, into different sections of the place with barely a sound.

Billy kept an eye out for the main target: Frank.

He wasn’t going to let him get away this time.

He grimaced behind the mask at his own thought. No matter how hard he tried, he never seemed to be able to fully detach himself from the situation. But if anyone was going to kill Frank, it had to be him. He wasn’t going to let any of these other bastards put a bullet in him.

In one of the rooms there were rows of racks where leftover clothes were hung, and up ahead, were some crates by an old window. As they moved forward, two figures with guns popped out from behind them, and a deep male voice yelled,

“Homeland Security. Drop your weapons!”

_You’ve got to be fucking kidding me._

* * *

You pulled into the nearest parking spot and looked up at the community center. You hadn’t been there in a while. For your first visit in months, the circumstances weren’t exactly ideal, but that’s the way life was.

When you reached the door to the room you were looking for, you peered inside, and just as you suspected, an all too familiar dark skinned man was setting up a small table in the corner with coffee and snacks. You watched him for a bit, before knocking on the open door to make your presence known.

Immediately, he looked up. When he recognized you, a warm smile graced his lips, but there was no surprise. He knew you were coming. You had called him earlier in the apartment.

“Hey, Curt.”

“Good to see you again, Y/N.”

You stepped full into the room and walked over to give him a friendly hug. There were smiles, but an underlying seriousness to them.

“Good to see you too.”

He pulled two chairs from a stack that was hanging against the wall and set them in the middle of the room. He gestured to one of them and said, “Take a seat.”

You obliged and settled yourself into the creaky metal chair.

“You want some coffee?” he asked, motioning towards the table with the coffee machine. It was already brewing with freshly made coffee. The smell started to emanate around the room.

You shook your head, “No, I’m good. I think I’m anxious enough as it is.”

He nodded and took a seat next to you. Even though you weren’t looking directly at him, you could feel his eye son you, scrutinizing.

“What’s got you anxious, Y/N? It’s not Billy, is it?”

You resisted a snort. “Actually, that’s why I called you. It has everything to do with Billy.”

He raised his eyebrows and twisted his body so that he was facing you better. The chair creaked underneath his weight.

“He didn’t do anything stupid, did he?” he asked. “He didn’t-?”

“Sleep with another woman?”

Curtis didn’t respond with words but with an incline of his head. You couldn’t help but be amused at his expression, even if it was a serious topic.

You shook your head and looked down at the floor.

“No, he didn’t. It’s not that.”

“Good, saves me having to kick his ass.”

You snorted a little laugh. “That makes two of us.”

“Then, what is it? What happened?”

The frustration coming through your face, you shrugged and shook your head.

“I honestly don’t fucking know, Curt. I was hoping you’d be able to tell me.”

He nodded, pensively. “Alright. Tell me what happened.”

You told Curtis as much as you could. That Billy has been acting strange, keeping things from you. As well the ominous conversation he started this morning. For Billy’s sake, you didn’t give all of the details. Those you would save for when he got back home.

“There’s something that happened a week ago, Curt. Something that changed Billy, and I need to know if you know what that is. Because you’re the only other person who knows him well, and I know he came to see you around that time.”

He worked his jaw, processing what you told him.

“Y/N…”

“I knew it. What is it, Curtis? Tell me, please. I need to know something. Anything.”

“I can’t. I’m sorry, Y/N, I don’t know anything.”

 _I can’t._  There is is again.  _“Can’t” what? Why the fuck not?_

“Bullshit. He didn’t say anything to you? He didn’t seem off?”

“No. He just came by to drop off a check. That’s it.”

You stared at him, hoping he would break and change his mind, but he didn’t. Maybe it was the soldier in him, or maybe he really didn’t know anything. Maybe you were never going to know what was wrong with the love of your life.

Your dropped your head in your hands.

“God damn it.”

Curtis rubbed your back gently.

“Look, if you want I can talk to him, alright? Maybe he’ll tell me what’s going on and I can let you know if something’s up.”

“To be honesty, I’d be pretty pissed if he talked to you and not me.”

He chuckled, “Take it easy on him, Y/N. Maybe it isn’t as bad as you think.

“You know, it was Frank’s birthday a week ago. Sometimes people can unconsciously be triggered when the  anniversary of a passing loved one and things of the like comes around. I mean, it hasn’t even been a year since Frank died. It could be that it’s barely hitting him now.”

You nodded slowly. He wasn’t wrong. Billy wasn’t one to face his feelings about things head on. Could it be that this could be the reason behind Bill’s behavior?

But then…no. That wouldn’t explain everything.

You lifted your head and shook it. “No, Curt. It’s something more than that. You weren’t there this morning. I think it’s safe to say that whatever he’s gotten himself into, it’s not good.”

* * *

So, it was a trap.

Fucking Madani. He had to hand it to her, she was good. What a tragedy that he had to be on the opposite side.

Billy was the one to fire the first shot, straight into a man’s head. After that, all hell broke loose. There was gunfire everywhere. Machine guns and pistols popping off left and right, and Madani with a shotgun.

Billy found cover behind a pillar.

“Drop your weapons!” Madani yelled.

“Who are these guys?” Billy recognized as Sam Stein’s voice..

Eddie Harlow turned to Billy and asked, “What do we do?”

What we have to do.

“Drop ‘em,” Billy answered and opened fire on Homeland, his team doing the same.

Madani yelled out more orders and then suddenly, Pruitt, one of Billy’s men, got shot in the head.

He pressed himself against the pillar and heaved heavy breaths.

“Shit.”

_Shit. Shit. Shit._

Madani was good too and if she got close enough, she was going to find out who he was and he’d be fucked. Everything would be fucked. He immediately scanned the area for a viable exit, and found relief when he eyed a passageway in the corner, hopefully leading to some stairs.

An escape.

Frank wasn’t here. The mission was a bust, so it didn’t matter if he didn’t kill all of them. What mattered was Frank.

He had to get out of here. Eddie eyed him, and he could see the same look in his green eyes. This wasn’t the mission, they didn’t have to finish this.

After a few beats, Billy nodded and made for the passageway, shooting the officer that was in his way.

“Fall back!” Eddie called out.

Billy ran until he reached the stairwell, and took them two at a time. All the while he could hear Madani’s shotgun getting closer and closer. His own heart raced, and he almost fell into a panic, but he kept going. For good measure he shot at the stairwell entrance, to keep her away.

Soon enough he was outside, in a courtyard with some lumber and some bulldozers. He hid behind one of them, keeping an ear out for anyone. When he heard lumber moving, he moved so the Homeland officer was in view and shot him twice.

It was scary how easily he could detach himself from killing people sometimes. It was the same thing that got him through the Marines.

Suddenly behind him, he heard footsteps moving quickly on the gravel.

“Drop it! I said drop it!”

Shit.

Fucking Stein.

“You know what? Don’t. I’d love the excuse.”

Billy rolled his eyes, but did as he was told and dropped his gun, though he detested it.

“Hands behind your head!”

He did as he was told.

_What are you gonna do Billy? What are you gonna do?_

“On your knees!” Sam ordered. “Get on your knees!”

Billy wanted to make some kind of remark, but resisted.

_Are you gonna kill him? You know you have to kill him, right?_

_No, I don’t._

_But if he finds out who you are, then Rawlins will find out out, and Y/N will die._

_Ugh._

Sam took Billy’s knife off of him and threw it away, before circling around to face him. Hie eyes were wild as he pointed the gun at Billy.

“Move an inch, asshole, and I will gladly shoot you in the goddamn face!”

Without wasting anymore time, Sam reached for the bottom of Billy’s ski mask and pulled it right off of him, revealing his face as clear as day. The cold air hit Billy, and his eyes widened at the same time Sam’s did when the look of realization settled in.

Neither of them had much time to process what was happening, since not a second later, an unmasked Eddie Harlowe came out from behind the bulldozer with a large knife in his hand, wild blonde hair, and a murderous intensity. With one swift movement, he grabbed Sam from behind.

As he raised the knife, an urgent, “No!” came out of Billy, but by then, Eddie had already sliced Sam’s neck open without blinking an eye. Blood sprayed onto Billy’s face, and he watched with a mixture of shock and disgust as Sam’s body fell to the floor and Eddie wiped his knife on his pants like it was nothing.

“You’re welcome,” he said, before stalking off.

Billy had to resist the urge to help Sam, even though it would be pointless. He could still hear him choking on his own blood and struggling to breath as he got up and walked away. 

He had seen plenty of men die in the war. Some of even more brutal injuries, but it didn’t make it any easier. Especially when those lives were innocent. Even if they were’t exactly on good terms, Sam had done nothing wrong. He was just doing his job.

_Fuck. I’m so sorry, Madani._

* * *

You came back home that afternoon, disappointed and drained. Needless to say, it had been an emotional rollercoaster of a day for you, and at this point you were ready to just fall asleep. Maybe when you woke up it would all have been a dream and Billy would be right there, sleeping by your side back to the way he used to be.

Yeah, that didn’t sound too bad.

You put your purse and keys on the kitchen counter, and rummaged through the cupboards for some alcohol to help soothe you. Finally, you settled on some of Billy’s whiskey, poured yourself a glass, and took a swig.

Even though you were mad at him, your love and worry outweighed that. Maybe the mission was over by now. Then again, you didn’t know how long those lasted. You just hoped you were awake when he got back.

You needed to talk to him, but above all else, you just wanted your old Billy back. You wanted him to tell you about his day and to spend time winding down with you as you relaxed on the couch. You wanted him to hold you and spend the entire day with you not worrying about work. That’s all you wanted.

If he kept to his promise, he would talk to you tonight, and this would all be over, but you were worried about what exactly that meant as you still had no fucking clue as to what he had gotten himself into.

_What the fuck are you going to do, Bill?_

There was a buzzing at the front entrance that made you jump and your heart nearly stopped.

“Shit.”

You put the whiskey down and walked over to the intercom next to the front door. With your finger you pushed the button to respond and spoke into the speaker.

“Yes, who is it?”

When you let go of the button, a deep voice responded back.

“I have a delivery, for Ms. Y/L/N.”

You frowned, “Delivery? What kind of delivery?”

“We have flowers for you, ma’am.”

You were taken aback, but in a good way. Flowers? Did Billy send you flowers?

Excited, you said, “I’ll buzz you in.”

You held down the button to him into the front entrance and waited by the door, until a few minutes later, there was a knock. Without hesitation, you opened the door, and lo and behold, there was a large man holding a large bouquet of red roses. It was so hard for you not to gasp.

“Oh, wow.”

“Delivery for, Y/N Y/L/N?”

“Yes, that’s me. Who are these from?”

You already figured who they were from but you had to ask.

“From one, William Russo.”

You smiled wide. So he had sent you flowers. What a fucking sap.

On cue, your phone rang. And coincidentally, it was the man in question. You held up a finger to the delivery man and gave an apologetic smile.

“Sorry, hold on just a sec - Billy?.”

“Hey, princess.”

“Hey,” you said happily, but a little confused as you looked at the time on the clock. “Didn’t you say you were going on a mission? I thought those ran late.”

“Yeah, they do, but this one had some complications so we had to end it sooner than we thought.”

You frowned, “Are you okay? Are you hurt?”

“No, I’m fine. Didn’t get shot this time. I was extra careful, just for you.”

You laughed softly. “Good. Also, it’s funny that you called, because I just got your flowers.”

“Flowers?”

“Yeah, the giant thing of roses you got me? The ones I’m guessing you sent as an apology? Which by the way - nice try. The delivery guy is literally at my door right now.”

“Y/N…not to burst your bubble, but I didn’t send you any flowers.”

“What do you mean? He said they were from you.” You turned to the delivery man and asked once again, “Who did you say  they were from again?”

“William Russo,” he said automatically.

“Yeah he said they were from…you.”

The second time you heard it, it was odd. Now that you thought about it, Billy never referred to himself with his full name. Especially not with something as personal as flowers to you. Discomfort started to set in.

“He said-?” Billy’s voice got more urgent. “Baby…baby what does he look like?”

The tone of his voice made you nervous. You looked at the delivery man and tried to cover up your panic with a smile, which he didn’t return. Still you took him in and described him to Billy as low as you could.

“Six feet, muscular, blonde hair, green eyes.”

You looked for more details. Save for what was deemed “normal attire” (t shirt and jeans), he also had combat boots on, military grade like the ones you had seen Billy in before. His posture reminded you of Billy’s too, as straight as a line with a piercing gaze.

Too intimidating to be a florist delivery man.

“Y/N,” Billy called to you.

But you were too busy looking at his hands. Your heartbeat spiked when you noticed the bruises and fresh cuts on his knuckles.

“He’s not a fucking florist, Y/N.”

“Yeah I think I figured that out.”

“He’s a mercenary and he will kill you, get out of there!”

His voice was the most panicked you had ever heard him be, and it was enough to put ice in your veins.

Glass shattered as the large man dropped the vase full of flowers and you gasped. He made his way into your apartment and shut the door behind him, his blazing, murderous eyes set on you. You backed up until your back hit the kitchen counter.

“You have your gun, baby. Use it!”

Despite your terrified haze, you managed to follow his order. Without hanging up, you put the phone on the counter and reached for the handgun that was in your purse behind you. You pulled it out and cocked it. Everything Billy had taught you came to the forefront of your memory.

Head, heart, groin. Shoot twice for good measure. Always two hands.

You aimed your gun at him, but he was advancing so quickly on you, like an animal. You shot once, and managed to get him in the arm, although it barely slowed him down. When you shot the second time, he wrenched the gun out of your hand with a twist of your wrist and you cried out in pain. The bullet went elsewhere.

He made to grab you by the waist, but you elbowed him in the face with a scream. Every time he tried to get a hold of you, you kicked, punched, and threw something at him, but he attacked in equal, stronger force. 

The glass of whiskey toppled over and shattered on the tiled floor. You reached for your keys to try and gouge his eyes out like you had seen in videos, but they clattered to the floor.

Your chest was heaving and all you could think about was surviving. You had never been so terrified in your life.

He’s going to kill me, he’s going to kill me, he’s going to kill me.

When the front door was in clear view, and it seemed like you had a clear path, you you made a run for it. But the man was like an animal who didn’t move like a regular human. It was terrifying. He grabbed you by the hair and wrenched you back to him. You were crying at this point, but you were still ruthless.

“You crazy bitch, stop fighting.”

“Over my dead body!”

You screamed. When he moved to cover your mouth, you bit him. He barely got a chance to groan when in one last attempt to free yourself, you clawed at his face with your hand and left behind four bloody striped on his cheek with your nails.

He screamed. “You bitch!”

With the butt of your gun that he still had on hand, he struck you. As you slowly fell unconscious, you could hear Billy’s faint voice over the phone, calling for you, and then a crunch as someone’s boot came down on it.


End file.
